They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
