for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
