He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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