dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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