Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
