Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
