I smell stomach acid.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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