it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish you could order shots online.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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