Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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