Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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