you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
