Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
