Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
