Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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