he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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