i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
