I wish I could punch you in the face.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
