Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
