i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
