i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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