now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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