I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
birth control should be required to get into college
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
