dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
