There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
