Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
