And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
