absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just blew my weed a kiss
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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