Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
