I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
try to milk me bitch
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