So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
