come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
