He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
