Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Randomize
