Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
