You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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