I seem to have left my pride at pride
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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