would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize