the condom got lost in my hair
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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