and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
