Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
