We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
