Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize