Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Drunk is not a location!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
