Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
