Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
