It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
