Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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