i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
