Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize