I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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