John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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