i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
