Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
