So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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