five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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