I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
