Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
