Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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