From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize