): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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