im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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