I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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