yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
