You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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