just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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