If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
