It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize