cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
