Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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