Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
