I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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