are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
