Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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