He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
