If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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