Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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