I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
