Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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