Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize