i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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