omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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