cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
