How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize