man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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