wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
