Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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