Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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