on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
