so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
