My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize