Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
