Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
This is not my ceiling
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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