I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Its about making memories worth repressing
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Randomize
