this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
