Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
