he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
