I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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