Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
