he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
either way he was missing a nipple.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Drake has all the answers
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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