Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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