Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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