Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
