I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
