i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
